Self-Love, Not Perfection, Is What Heals You

Why chasing perfect health might be what’s holding you back

One thing I invite almost all my coaching clients to do is track and test. These are incredibly powerful tools for moving out of health ruts because they give the body a voice, and empower us with real data to make intelligent shifts.

But there’s a classic pitfall with this system: motivation can easily tip into obsession. And I see many people crossing that line in the name of “health.”

They show up to our sessions with spreadsheets of supplements, strict routines, and dreams of the perfect lab panel. It's commendable, but this pursuit has the strong potential to lead straight into the trap of perfectionism in healing.

Perfectionism can look like discipline. It can sound like “doing the work.” But more often than not it’s fear in disguise — fear that unless we fix, achieve, or perfect ourselves, we won’t be enough.

True healing doesn’t come from chasing an ideal. It comes from something far softer and far more powerful: loving yourself enough to stay in the process with curiosity and compassion.

Healing asks you to love yourself through the mess

If you've ever felt like your symptoms mean you're failing, you’re not alone. I’ve felt this myself, and I’ve seen it across decades of teaching and coaching: people working so hard to “fix” themselves that they forget to care for themselves.

Many of my students are high achievers. Driven. Disciplined. Brilliant. But when that drive is fueled by self-criticism, and when every symptom feels like failure, it stops helping and starts hurting.

 The students who make the biggest leaps in their healing aren’t the ones who follow the plan flawlessly. They’re the ones who stay curious. Who forgive themselves when they slip. Who celebrate small wins. Who keep showing up — not because they hate where they are, but because they care about where they’re going.

When I reflect on my own journey, especially the moments where healing finally began, the common denominator wasn’t the “perfect” plan. It was the moments when I softened. When I paused the chase and met myself with gentleness. When I allowed breath, rest, and imperfection to be part of the process.

That’s when the nervous system shifts. That’s when tissue begins to release. That’s when insights from the body emerge.

Healing begins when we feel safe enough to stop performing and start listening.

Real growth doesn’t need a finish line

My life partner and Krav Maga instructor, Tsahi Shemesh, recently wrote about this in his blog post The Road Offers More Than the Finish Line:

“When people hear ‘no finish line required,’ they sometimes think it means there’s no point in pushing harder. That’s a misunderstanding… It means you don’t wait for the result to prove you’re worthy of respect, discipline, or effort.”

This is true in healing, too.

If you’re only measuring success by test results or symptom tracking, you’ll always feel behind. Even when you hit a goal, the finish line moves. The journey never feels done.

But when you train your mindset, not just your metrics, something changes. You start to see your willingness to show up, to reflect, and to breathe through discomfort as victories in themselves. And those build real resilience.

In other words, growth isn’t about earning your worth. It’s about respecting your effort, seeing your courage, your consistency, your willingness to be in process no matter how far along you are.

When you do that, healing becomes sustainable....and surprisingly joyful.

The science of self-love

This isn’t just a nice sentiment. It’s backed by science.

• Psychologist Kristin Neff has shown that self-compassion increases motivation, resilience, and emotional well-being far more effectively than self-criticism.

• A 2018 meta-analysis in Mindfulness found that self-compassion and mindfulness together reduce anxiety, depression, and emotional burnout.

• And according to Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, acts of self-kindness and slow, intentional breathing can help regulate the nervous system and shift us into a state of connection and healing.

Self-love is not a luxury, it’s biological medicine. It creates the conditions your body needs in order to repair, reset, and rebuild.

Self-compassion isn’t complacency. It’s not about pretending you don’t want to improve. It’s about holding both truths: that you are worthy now, and that you can still grow. It’s about practicing honesty without judgment, and effort without punishment.

When you stop demanding perfection and start practicing presence, everything begins to shift. You become more attuned. More resilient. More able to notice subtle changes in your body, your energy, your thoughts — and respond with clarity and care.

That’s the kind of healing that lasts.

Try this: Download my free health tracker to celebrate your effort, not just your outcomes.